Thursday, 7 November 2013
In The Middle Of The Storm
Storm: 28/11/13 - now... and it's not over yet. =/
I would say, in terms of being suicidal and so on, this week was relatively better than last week.
I felt calmer in my head, almost as if I had more room for better thoughts, so I tried to convince myself of reasons to stay living and breathing - aside from being terribly worried about Mama and needing to support her, one of them was finishing this book.
I am the type of person who is always being inspired, especially when I listen to the music I 'assigned' to this story. I wouldn't say this writer's block is to do with not having anything to write - rather, having too much and feeling so daunted that I hesitate to sit down and pour it all out. My sister now takes up the task (or should I say hobby) of writing 50 words a day. Usually doing that prompts her to write so much more. I'll have to do the same, or my fear will keep me in this exact spot for a long time.
Say goodbye to entering that Be A Bestseller competition then, Ashana. Richard and Judy, as well. A shame.
Well, today I had three distinct scenes that unravelled themselves to the music;
1) Karalan with Whisper, flying down from the mad Duke's tower, incineration of the Veethe, then standing in front of Milete Beyene bleeding from her eyes ears and nose
2) Cassie with Jory at the very end, blowing the Veethe to dust, Jory's soul breaking free of his body to glimpse Karalan in a dream, but returning to Cassie.
Ah, I think I merged them together. Two, then.
I am struggling. The pace disheartens me. I am exhausted all the time, all week, around the clock, no matter whether I've slept for eight hours or four or fourteen. I can barely study, let alone write. I've fallen so far behind with reading and the work and making it to classes that my other personality, (I think this one was S.K.) whispers, 'Is it even worth it?'
But of course, I have to believe it is, or why do anything at all?
Ashana Lian .
P.S. I didn't want to leave this on a sad note, so I was justing thinking about this video of one cat massaging another cat with its paws and making it purr. Heh. Best I can do for now. Better than nothing...?
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