Brighton Pier. This picture does not belong to me.
Well no, it didn't, but the amount of inspiration flooding in, I'm surprised it's still fully functioning!
Or is it? ( O_o )
Me, my Dada and little brother took a trip down to Brighton Pier today and I've just reached back. I needed to sit down and blog straight away because of a few things.
First of all, I put the OST (Original Soundtrack) of an old(ish) PS3 game called Heavenly Sword on my iPod, as a majority of my inspiration for a pre-created fiction comes from music. Never played the game but I was looking for something like Jade Empire which was composed by Jack Wall. This soundtrack was composed by Nitin Sawhney and it is very dark and ominous sounding - in other words, PERFECT.
(Amazing how talented some people can be with music. Even coming from a family of musicians and music-lovers, I will always be in awe of that.)
About four chapters worth of material saturated my head just from paying the Soundtrack on the drive up to Brighton and back, and also as I walked up and down on the stony beach and then the Pier arcade. Brighton actually helped me define what Naiveney would be like, so most of the scenes were set in the section of the story when Karalan is there, and involved the Prince of Pearls, that sneaky lovable b-word. (Yes, I said it. Bum.)
It involved the Redrunner ambush, the 'I have dreamt of this place...' Kar-and-Prince heart-to-heart-but-not-really, and the Karalan-Milete-Cassie girl gang trio showdown. It was like watching a movie in my head. I can't actually believe it came from my head. That's why I have to write it down NOW. Have work tomorrow and it's ten o'clock but man, whatever.
That brings me to my second point.
Today, My Dad was talking about how he has done things in his life that his mother and father have never seen. He talks a lot about this things that he did/ didn't do in his life but for some reason, it hit me like a hammer today. I suddenly felt very scared. I realised that I was becoming more abrupt and controlling because now this fear was in my head that one day, my Dad isn't going to be there. He isn't going to see if I became an ambassador of world peace (lol (actually no, what if?)) or if I become a whiny old lady or if I ever publish a book, or essentially, what I make of my life.
Yeah, that scares me.
I've know my parents won't be around someday and that I'd have to get by on my own, but it was the fact that I'd still be living my life and making ends meet that was the shell shocker for me. Imagine if I actually became a Somebody, somebody who could do a lot of good. I know if I could achieve it they'd be proud, but they wouldn't be there to share in my joy. Also I'd want to know that in their last days they were happy and comfortable, I want to stop them from worrying about money and enjoy whatever they can out of life. They're my parents. I love them.
And I am selfish. I am also terrified for me, because one day I'm going to wake up and think... oh my God, I'm forty years old and what does my life mean? Unless I'm dead by then... and I'm not sure if that is worse. I'm generally scared for my future, which is pretty effing pathetic but I can't help it. Such is life.
Oh bloody hell...
When I created my blog this is the ONE THING I said I would not do. No more ranty posts like this from now on, that's for my other crappy blog.
I'll do a private vlog to get it off my chest, but next time I'll do it FIRST so I can spare this blog the tedious whines.
Ashana Lian .